He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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