Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We need to feng shui this bitch.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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