Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
