you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
True strength comes from lack of pants
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
