sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
