where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
