i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
