you would pick up someone in the library
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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