I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
