i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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