She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
