You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
