Porn is love you can see.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
