Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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