I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
