just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We don't watch enough power rangers
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
