i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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