it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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