I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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