Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
