somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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