just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
