ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I think my moral compass just broke
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
