I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
