Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize