i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
