yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize