Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
