At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
