my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize