My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
