My hand turned me down
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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