She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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