She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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