I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Randomize