I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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