Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
