Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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