I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
