i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
