Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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