I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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