Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
a search helicopter?!
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
