What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize