Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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