Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize