I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
We are two peas in an std pod
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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