how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
