yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
