you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize