its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
