Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
