Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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