If that was your dad, he is hot
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Randomize
