how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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