I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
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