i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
where are you?
Hypothermia
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
