i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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