there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize