would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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