I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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