My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize