don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
