so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
