Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
