I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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