I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
