dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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