I think I died a long time ago.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
