I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
