There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
