then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Randomize