You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
